Don't Blink
by WriterInTheMaking101
Summary: Two nights before they move to Newport, California, Izzie remembers back on the past four years; the birth of her autistic son Jamie, the death of her husband, and the fresh start to come.
1. Chapter 1

**A story I started last night because I just got the idea and absolutely could not get rid of it. And, just to let you all know, I have NOT abandoned 'A Hazy Shade of Winter.' I'm actually just finishing up the chapter, but I want to get it all perfected before I post it! This story is set in the future, six-ish years after season five? **

**Izzie and her autistic four year old son Jamie are movine to Newport, California, to get away from the past, and to try and obtain a fresh start. Two nights before they move, and the night before Jamie's fourth birthday, Izzie remembers the past. It might be tearjerking at parts, I don't even know yet! But I'm very excited about this, and I hope you like it! **

**Disclaimer: whatever, I don't own anything. **

He is going to be four years old tomorrow, and then the day after, they're moving. They're having a party. Nothing big, because he gets upset when there are too many people around. Meredith and Derek are coming, and bringing Lucy and Ella. Cristina will bring Sean, because Owen has to take Taylor to a dance competition, and apparantly there is just no way she can miss it (or so she told Izzie over the phone last night.) George will be there. It will be a small party, but it's probably better that way and besides, the ones coming are the people that really matter. All of them and then, of course, Jamie.

She is sitting at the kitchen table, finishing up the card for him. It doesn't matter to her that he cannot read. When he is older, he can read it, and know how much he mattered to her, even at that age. _I love you, Jamie, more than anything. Daddy too, even though he isn't with us anymore. He still loves you, and he's watching over you. Happy birthdy, baby. _She puts the pen down and slides the bright card into the envelope, licking it shut.

He is asleep, so she has the baby monitor on. Izzie can remember that Meredith stopped using the baby monitor with Lucy when she was fourteen months old, and with Ella when she was only ten months. Izzie doesn't know how long it will be until she can turn the monitor off with Jamie, it's one of the few things that all the websites, doctors, handbooks, meetings and therapists have not yet covered.

Izzie gets up to go and get a glass of water from the fridge. The house feels empty lately. It has not felt like a real home since Alex died, but it had not exactly felt empty. There always seemed to be people with her, bringing her food or watching Jamie for her, trying to get her to go have coffee or go sit at the park. Slowly but surely, people are beginning to leave her alone, and although she's happy to finally, finally have her house to herself, it doesn't feel right when it's only her and Jamie.

She remembers the nights when Alex was at the hospital, in the OR, or on call. Jamie had never been a sound sleeper; so she used to get him out of his crib. She'd bring him downstairs and cradle him. They'd watch late night TV, she would sing him lullabies, and they'd both wait for Alex to get home, because it just doesn't feel like home without him there.

Now, it feels like a picture in one of those books she used to play with when she was younger, with the two pictures, of the little kids at the ice cream diner or whatever. The caption was always "Find the Ten Differences in These Pictures!" At first, it takes a while to find out exactly **what **is wrong, but once you see the missing stripe on Sally's shoe, or the lack of a third scoop in the cone, all the other differences start flying out at you, as noticeable as a pebble in your shoe, or that itch on your back.

At first glance, their house does not look much different, from Before Alex, to Now (those are the ways she seems to categorize time; Lucy was born Before Alex, Lexie and Mark got married Now.) The walls in the kitchen are still that bright yellow, from the weekend they spent painting it, the pictures of Jamie after he was born, Alex holding him proudly, like a prize he's waited so long for, are still on the fridge, all their books (Izzie's tattered copies of Harrison's Principles of Internal Medicine, Rosen's Emergency Medicine, Bonica's Management of Pain, Widman's Clinical Interpretation of Labratory Tests, Jamie's Cars, Toy Story, Batman and Spiderman books) stacked up on their shelves, the couch in front of the TV, with the fuzzy Pooh blanket thrown over the back.

But if you stand still for just a few minutes, you can tell. The wedding photo, the beautiful one that Meredith said should be in a magazine, is hidden behind a picture of Jamie and Izzie at a water park last summer, Taylor standing behind Izzie, flashing her toothy grin. It's not that Izzie doesn't want people to think she has a husband anymore (although she doesn't) it's just that every time she looks at it, her heart feels like it's going to break in two. Another thing you could notice was the lack of beer in the fridge and old Jackass tapes under the TV. There are a million things you could notice about the house, a million things that have changed since Alex left.

When Izzie closes the fridge door, she sees the picture taken a few days after Jamie was born; she is sitting on the hospital bed, holding him closely. Alex is sitting beside her, Jamie's tiny finger wrapped around Alex's big one, Izzie's head is resting on Alex's shoulder. Izzie loves this picture, because they don't have that look on their face. That look that seemed to be etched permanantly on their faces when Jamie was around thirteen months, when he wouldn't respond to the sound of his name, when he started rocking his body back and forth all the time, and flapping his hands around. The way he would never play with the whole Tonka truck Alex brought home for him one day after work; he would only play with the wheels, spinning them around with his tiny little finger. Izzie would sit down, cross legged with him on the floor and jiggle the car in front of him. "Jamie, look! Vroom!" But he was never interested.

It was the look that they both got simultaneously, when they had sat with Doctor Bailey, and she told them. Even though it was nearly three years ago, and the whole meeting only took ten minutes, Izzie can still remember the words as though it was simply a few hours ago. "Izzie, Alex.. it looks like Jamie has autism."

Izzie studies the picture again, for half a second, and then goes back into the living room. She fluffs up the yellow tissue paper that is sitting, brightly arranged on top of the blue gift bag, that holds Jamie's birthday presents. Izzie knows she has gone a little over the top on birthday presents this year and the doctor inside of her says, "Why would you buy him that hundred and fifty dollar easel? Do you really think it's going to help him?" The mother inside of her ties her apron and says, "For God's sakes, it's to help with his motor skills." She bought a new tub of Play Doh, and the Play Doh fun factory, to improve his sensory skills. And then there's the other things, the usual things; the trucks and the stuffed giraffe (because he has taken to bringing in sticks from outside and dragging them around the house, and the huge giraffe, with it's long neck, is the only substitue she can think of.) There's the big, tall Rescue Heroes book, the block letters and the Go Diego Go! DVD's.

The house looks empty, because most of their boxes are packed up. Aside from the couch, Jamie's bed, the fridge and a few chairs, everything's ready to be moved the day after tomorrow. Izzie has anticipated moving for a long time; saying goodbye, leaving the hospital, driving to the new house, moving **into **the new house. Getting Jamie set up in school, finding new friends.

And now, it's all actually happening. In two days, they're leaving Seattle. Izzie guesses they'll come back sometimes, to see Meredith and the kids, and George. They'll come for Christmas, maybe, and when Lexie has the baby, in six months. And Izzie supposes that, in a lot of ways, Seattle will always be **her **first home. The place where she has always felt most comfortable, most loved, most happy. Everything, and everyone, that matter to her, leave in Seattle.

But, as of Thursday, Newport, California, is going to be **their **new home. Fresh from all the memories. A fresh start for Jamie. He probably won't remember Seattle much. He is going to remember Newport. Maybe he will remember driving there, the big burly men moving the entire contents of their house into the moving truck. Maybe Jamie won't remember Alex, as his Daddy, maybe he won't even remember his Aunt Meredith, or his Uncle Mark. But Newport is going to be the place Jamie remembers growing up in. And that, for him, is the most important thing.

It's going to be hard. She knows that, with every part of her, she knows how hard it will be. It takes all the strength she has, and then a lot of it borrowed from her friends, to keep her going most days. Some mornings, when her alarm clock goes off at four thirty for rounds, or when Jamie rocks back and forth and cries, refusing to put his coat on, when he won't listen to her, when she throws her hand across the bed, expecting Alex to be there, she feels like she is going to die. But she doesn't. She gets up, and she keeps going.

A lot of it has been thanks to the people that love her and know that they need to get her going. She can remember how, after it all happened, Meredith more or less lived with them for nearly two months. She remembers the sobbing phone calls to George in the middle of the night, the mornings when she's called in sick to work and spent the whole day looking at old photos.

She doesn't want to be like that anymore, doesn't want to be remembered as 'poor Izzie, with her autistic kid and the dead husband.' In Newport, she decides, things are going to be different.

And so, she is going to take this last night in their house (because tomorrow night, they're staying at Meredith's) and she is going to remember. Without fear or regret, trying not to get overly weepy or too nostalgic. She will remember it all. No matter how much it hurts.


	2. Chapter 2

"**It does not matter what you do in the bedroom, as long as you do not to it in the street and scare the horses." - Mrs. Patrick Campbell**

**Just a random quote I found and sort of liked! Enjoy. Happy Easter to everybody celebrating the holiday! I hope you all have a fantastic holiday. And please do not eat me; A Hazy Shade of Winter will be updated by tomorrow morning, at latest :) And just in case you can't figure out, the italicized bit is Izzie's little 'trip down Memory Lane' or whatever you want to call it.**

"_Alex!" Izzie tried to figure out where, exactly, he was taking her. Like a little girl, she gave her legs a tiny kick in the front seat, itching her eyebrow from underneath the red blindfold."Alex, come on. Where are we going?"_

"_Iz," Alex sang out, "patience."_

"_This is stupid," Izzie said the words without meaning them; she loved surprises. Just like the way she loved his proposal to her, three months ago. It was the way she'd always wanted it, the way she'd imagined it ever since she was eight years old. It hadn't, thank god, been at a restaurant, snuck into her fortune cookie or caked in the Oreo Frosty at Wendy's, like that guy on the news had done a few years back. _

_She had gotten home from work around nine thirty, only to find Alex lying down on the kitchen floor, his head stuck under the sink, a wrench in his hand. He was swearing under his breath._

"_Uh. Alex? Everything okay?"_

"_What?"_

_Izzie cleared her throat. "I __**said **__is everything okay?"_

"_Sure. It's just this damn pipe, it's clogged."_

"_Okay," Izzie balanced on one foot. "Well. Do you want me to.. call someone?"_

"_Izzie," Alex laughed wryly. "It's nearly ten o'clock. Who are you going to call?"_

_Izzie shrugged. "Just an idea. But shouldn't you at least know how to unclog a pipe," she smiled, "of all things that would pass you off as sort of useful, knowing how to unclog a pipe would be one of them."_

_Alex slid out from under the sink. "Do __**you **__know how to unclog a pipe?" he asked._

_Izzie rolled her eyes. "I grew up in a trailer park."_

"_So.."_

"_Move your ass."_

_Alex stood up, handed her the wrench and then kissed her cheek. "Good day at work?" he walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer._

"_Okay," she called out. "I had an appy today, on a little girl, and then I was mostly in the clinic the rest of the day. You?"_

"_My day off today."_

"_I know. But what did you do?"_

"_I babysat," Alex said, making a disgusted face._

"_For?"_

"_Lucy."_

"_She's so sweet," Izzie said. "What did you guys do?"_

"_I took her to the park."_

"_Meredith said-" Izzie stopped in the middle of her sentance._

"_What?"_

"_You know when Derek proposed to Meredith like, six million times?"_

"_Sure," Alex said._

"_Do you know if he maybe left the ring under the sink, one of the times, by accident?"_

"_They're married now," Alex reminded her. "Why?"_

"_I found this," Izzie got out from under the sink, and handed a ring to Alex. "Does it look like one of Derek's?"_

"_Iz, McDreamy only used one ring for Meredith," Alex took the ring from Izzie and turned it around in his fingers, with mild interest. "Weird."_

"_Do you think we should call them? Or like, take it to an antique store?" she wondered out loud._

"_I think we should find a place for it," he said._

"_Sort of what I was getting at, Alex," she smiled._

"_**Not**__ the antique store."_

"_Well, where were you thinking?" Izzie closed the cupboard door and wiped her hands on the side of her shirt._

"_I was thinking, maybe.. your finger?" In one smooth motion, Alex was on one knee, holding the ring up to her. "Izzie. Will you marry me?"_

_And now, they were sitting in the car, driving to god know's where. Izzie bounced impatiently in her seat, shivering at the memory. "Hey, Alex? You're not like, going to throw me into the ocean or anything, are you? Because you don't want to marry me anymore, but you don't have the heart to tell me."_

"_If you don't stop asking where we're going," Alex teased, "then who knows where you'll end up. Now Izzie, you're going to get out of the car. But do __**not**__ take off the blindfold."_

_Alex stepped out of the car and opened Izzie's door, helping her out of the car. "Okay," he took her hand and led her out in front of the car."Keep your eyes closed," he warned, undoing her blindfold. He covered her eyes with his hands. "Now. Open."_

_Izzie opened her eyes, and bit her lip. They were in front of a house, a big white one, with a tree in the front yard, a tire swing on the tree. There was a box of chalk on the driveway, a pink Barbie bike hastily discarded by the tree. The windows were glass, big and tall. From the front yard, Izzie could hear the splashing of a pool, and the front porch, which donned lemonade glasses and tiny flip flops, wrapped around the side. Out front, on the bright green grass, there was a big Sold sign. _

"_You like it?"_

"_It's.. why? Why do you want to know?"_

"_I'm just wondering. Do you like it?"_

"_It's beautiful."_

"_So, you'd live here?"_

"_There?" Izzie pointed with her finger, to the house._

"_No," Alex said, smiling in spite of himself. "There," he indicated to the bush by the house._

"_Yes. I'd live here it's.. it's.. but why? Why are you asking? I don't.."_

"_Izzie. Would you like to live here?"_

"_Yes. Yes, I would like to live here."_

"_Well then. It's ours."_

"_What... Alex." Izzie ran her hands through her hair. "I don't get it. We don't.. we don't have the money, how would we __**ever**__ afford a place like this, I mean.. it's sold!"_

_Alex shrugged. "Exactly. It is sold."_

"_You.. you didn't." Izzie's eyes filled up with tears._

"_I did." _

_Izzie threw herself at Alex, and she felt like that girl from The Notebook; her legs wrapped around his waist, he was holding up her back. He kissed her, long and deep. A little girl appeared on the front porch and screamed. "MOMMY! SOME BAD GUY'S TRYING TO EAT THIS GIRL'S FACE!"_

_Izzie laughed. "It's okay," she said, meaning for the words to reach the girl, but turning them into a whisper so that only Alex could hear them. "I love you," she said. "I love you so much."_

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_Izzie sat with Meredith on her deck. Meredith was half watching Lucy run around the backyard, chasing Winston, their Labrador retriever, and half listening as Izzie laboriously planned her wedding. _

"_Now," Izzie chewed on her nail, "Grace, Alex's mom, she's coming, and Hailey, his little sister, and Hailey's husband, Mark, and their kids, Gerry and Emily. Oh, and then Andy, Alex's stepdad. And a couple of Alex's friends from university.. Derek's the best man. So that's what.. ten for Alex. Meredith? Ten people for Alex?"_

"_Oh," Meredith said. "Yeah. Something like that. Lucy, sweetie, no hitting Winston."_

"_And my mom's coming.. I think. I mean, I still have to call her and everything. And actually like, issue an invitation. You're my maid of honour, Lucy's the flower girl, Cristina and Lexie are the bridesmaids.. god, sorry," Izzie shook her head. "This is stupid."_

"_Who's walking you down the aisle?" Meredith asked._

"_I didn't think you were listening," Izzie smiled._

"_I'm a mom," Meredith said. "I'm good at multi tasking. Plus, being a doctor hasn't killed it, either. So you've got your maid of honour, which thanks, by the way, for that, I'm honoured, Iz. And the bridesmaids and your mom and everything, but who's walking you down the aisle?"_

"_No one," Izzie shrugged. "I'll walk myself down." She knew how pathetic that sounded. _

"_Izzie," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Somebody has to walk you down the aisle."_

"_Well, who do you suggest? I was six the last time I saw my dad, the Chief and Adele are in Florida. Who else could I ask?"_

"_George," Meredith said, as though it was the most obvious choice. _

"_But George isn't.. he's not a father figure, exactly."_

"_He's a brother figure."_

"_So? Brothers don't walk their sisters down the aisle," Izzie argued._

"_If the dad is dead or AWOL, or whatever, then yeah, they do. Or, the best friend walks the bride down the aisle. So either way, you're fine."_

"_You think he would say yes?"_

"_Yes. He would say yes, of course he would say yes." Meredith smiled as Lucy threw herself onto Meredith's lap._

"_I don't know," Izzie thought out loud._

"_Mommy," Lucy sighed contentedly, twirling a piece of Meredith's hair around her finger. _

"_Hey pumpkin," Meredith kissed the top of Lucy's head. Lucy had inherited Meredith's dark blonde hair and Derek's blue eyes, and when all the other genetics from the two of them were thrown in, she was a beautiful kid. Izzie always used to tell Meredith she should get Lucy into modeling. Meredith always made a face at this, as though Izzie was suggesting Meredith train Lucy to become a hermit crab, or a taxi driver._

"_Winston tol' me a secret," Lucy said, sticking her thumb into her mouth._

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah," Lucy nodded her head vigorously. "He tol' me that we're goin' to have cake for dinner."_

"_Did he!" Meredith smiled. "I think Winston had too many dog treats this morning."_

"_No, Daddy helped me feed him before went to the hospital, and we didn't give him any dog treats. 'Cause Daddy said he's gonna be fat if you keep feedin' him." Lucy hopped down from Meredith's lap. "I'm gonna go make some lunch, Frostie Flakes. Aunt Izzie, you want some? Mommy lets me put strawberries in them, and they're really yummy."_

"_No thanks honey. God," Izzie said, once Lucy had teetered into the house, "she is adorable. Are you sure she belongs to you?" Izzie laughed, closing her eyes and letting the sun wash over her. _

"_So you like the house?" Meredith asked, after a little while of comfortable silence. _

"_It's.. I don't even know, it's amazing. It's like, when I was a kid, that's the kind of house I used to look at and think, that's where I want to have my kids. I wanted to have twelve, and name them all Clancy Junior."_

_Meredith laughed, loud. "Why the __**hell **__did you want to name your twelve kids Clancy Junior? They.. they wouldn't even be Clancy Junior, it'd be like Clancy the twelfth... poor kids."_

"_Whatever. My old neighbour was named Clancy. He was a drag queen, and he used to sing me songs from The Sound of Music. I'm pretty sure he was a pervert, but I thought he was amazing when I was a kid."_

"_My neighbours were old people. They used to bake us like, twenty pounds of cookies all the time, because the two of them would forget the last time they gave us any. Tasted horrible too," Meredith said, smiling. "The cookies did." _

"_After Clancy, there was the Douggarts. Their little kid used to try and bake himself."_

_Meredith sat up. "He used to bake himself?"_

"_**Try **__and bake himself. He was never successful, or anything. They always rescued him."_

"_You had weird neighbours."_

"_We lived in a trailer park. What did you expect? No," Izzie said, shrugging. "Some of them were nice. Like the uh... I don't know,"Izzie scratched the back of her ear. "There __**were **__some nice ones, though."_

_And so they spent the rest of the afternoon helping Lucy make fudge brownies, playing catch with Winston and trying to remember, exactly, what nice and normal neighbours they used to have._

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"_So," Izzie held the magazine up to him, "the sheath bouquet, with the arum lillies or," she flicked to the next page, "the creative bouquet, with the Bells of Ireland?"_

"_Who picks the names for these flowers?" Alex asked. "Is that a legitimate job, or what? On your resume, for past jobs, do you put Flower Namer?"_

"_Somebody has to do it," Izzie said, raising her eyebrows a little. "Why? Thinking of ditching the medical field and becoming a Flower Namer? So, arum lillies or bells of Ireland?"_

"_Iz. You want my honest opinion?"_

"_Yes." _

"_I don't care."_

"_Alex-"_

"_Let me finish. I don't care, because as long as you're there, as long as you come to the front of that church and say I do, I don't give a shit about anything else. I get it, you chicks have that thing with the big wedding and the dress, and whatever. But to me, none of it matters, just as long as you show up."_

_Izzie put down the magazine._

"_Sorry," he said, "if you want me to be all involved but I just-"_

"_No," she shook her head, and then slid down so that her head was resting on his chest. "That's really sweet. Really, really sweet. And I don't really __**want **__you to be 'all involved.'"_

"_Good. 'Cause man, I hate weddings."_

"_Shut up," she laughed, smacking his shoulder. "We have to make our vows," she said, from nowhere._

"_Iz. We're getting married in nine months. We have lots of time to make vows."_

"_I know. But I think you might need lots.. and lots, oh and then maybe some more time to do work on them."_

"_Why?"_

"_Alex," Izzie said, crinkling up her nose. "You're not exactly the most profound guy. You might need some time to work up the.. right emotions."_

"_Hey. I just told you that our wedding was nothing without you there. That's pretty damn profound."_

"_Obviously the wedding is nothing without me there. Without me, it's just you in a tux with a bunch of people in a church."_

"_Same goes for me. If I ditch, you just look stupid," Alex played with Izzie's hair._

"_Maybe we'll both ditch and go to Las Vegas."_

"_I thought you loved weddings? Especially this one." _

"_I thought you hated them."_

"_Maybe we both hate weddings," he suggested._

"_Maybe," she said, getting onto her knees and kissing him, unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt, "you should shut up." _

"_Yeah," he said, limply. "I can do that." _

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_Izzied tried to do it over an email, but she couldn't. She couldn't ask George to walk her down the aisle over a stupid email, for god's sake. So she sat, perched on the edge of the couch, the phone in her hand. _

"_Hello?" _

_Izzie had to restrain herself from screaming when Marilyn picked up the phone. Marilyn was George's on again off again sometimes girlfriend. She was thirty one, but acted like she was fifty. Izzie had no idea why the two of them dated, let alone slept together. "Uh, Marilyn?"_

"_Oh! Izzie?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Hi! How are you?"_

"_I'm good thanks. Listen, would you mind if I-"_

"_Oh!" Marilyn cried. "Let me guess. You want to speak to George? You two are adorable, I was looking over at pictures-"_

"_Yes," Izzie said. "I'd like to talk to George please." Had it been anyone else, Izzie would have felt bad about being rude, but with Marilyn she excused her conscience. _

_After a few seconds, George picked up the other line. "Mimi," he said, "you can hang up now."_

"_Right! Of course!"_

"_Izzie?"_

"_She's charming George," Izzie said, laughing to let him know she was just kidding (although she wasn't really, not at all.) "Do you have to bathe her yet, or does she still have the capability to do that by herself?"_

"_Oh, shut up," he said. _

"_I'm just kidding, George. She's sweet. Listen," Izzie toned her voice down slightly. "Um, I have a question? It's about the wedding."_

"_Okay," he said. "What's up?"_

"_Um. I just.. it's stupid," she began. "It's actually really dumb. And I probably shouldn't even ask you and maybe it's like, totally inappropriate, but Meredith was the one who suggested it, so.. yeah, it was her idea."_

"_Izzie. Just say it."_

"_I don't have a dad, or anything. I mean, I do, I guess. Somewhere, I have a dad. But I haven't see him since I was kid, only six, or something. And so I don't have anyone to.. you know. Walk me down the aisle. And so I was wondering, if maybe. You would. Walk me down the aisle I mean."_

"_I-"_

"_I'm sorry. I know it's weird but-"_

"_Just-"_

"_I know, I shouldn't have asked or anything-"_

"_Iz. Let me talk. I would love to, okay? I really would love to, so much. And I'm really happy for you and Alex."_

"_Oh," Izzie felt tears in her eyes before she knew she was even crying. "Sorry," she warbled out. George didn't say anything. He'd spent many nights listening on the other side of the phone as Izzie cried._

"_It's okay, Iz. Thank you for asking me."_

"_You're welcome," she said, wiping her nose. "I have to go now, okay, but George.. thanks. For saying yes and just.. for everything. Thank you." _

"_Don't even mention it."_

"_Okay. I'll let you get back to Marilyn, and everything," she said, smiling. "Bye George."_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I hope everyone's having a good weekend and hopefully being productive (unlike me, I've spent the better part of the last two and a half hours sitting up here working on this.) I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thank you very much for the reviews I've been getting, they mean so much to me!**

**There are two things I feel I should explain about this chapter: The first little blurb is basically a hundred percent fluff, with Meredith, Lucy and a smidge of Derek. I have no idea why I put that in there, because these are all supposed to be Izzie's memories, not random snippets of adorable-ness, but I just really felt like sticking the three Shepards in here! Secondly, there is also a little thing about Izzie's wedding dress. I had NO idea how I should describe it, so I left most up to the imagination; I'm fourteen and I'm not very well experienced in wedding dresses, so I didn't know what looked good! **

**Sorry for the long author's note. Enjoy! **

"_Mommy," Lucy sighed, "nobody's buyin' our lemonade."_

"_I told you, sweetie," Meredith said gently. "People don't like lemonade when it's raining." _

_Today had been Meredith's day off, and she had promised Lucy they would do whatever she wanted. At four years old, she was well adapted to handing her Mommy over to the hospital, regardless of birthdays, holidays or soccer games. Today was going to be all about them. Meredith had thought maybe they could watch a couple of Disney movies, and then bake cookies, or something. When Lucy had suggested they make lemonade, Meredith had pointed out the rain, but Lucy was not to be discouraged._

_So, now they were sitting, Lucy wearing her red raincoat, her rainbow rainboots and holding a tiny umbrella over her head, while Meredith huddled under her blue Maid of the Mist coat, from two years ago when they all took a weekend trip to Niagara Falls. _

_Meredith could not believe she had turned into this kind of person, who was guilt tripped into doing ridiculous things with her daughter, because work did not permit her to do __**normal**__ things with her daughter. Essentially, she was whipped for her four year old. Meredith knew Cristina would be slightly disgusted at Meredith, but that was only because she was only six months pregnant and not yet dealing with a child that insisted on having a lemonade stand in the middle of a rainstorm. _

_After a while, beads of sweat were starting to gather on Lucy's lip, and her elbow, which was propping up her chin, had already slid around the table so much that it knocked over three Dixie cups full of lemonade. "Luce. You wanna go inside?"_

"_Nah," Lucy shook her head. She took off her rain coat._

"_You're gonna get wet."_

"_Nah," she said again, all but poking Meredith's eye out with the umbrella, as she waved it around in the air. "I've got my umbrella. Mommy." _

"_What is it baby?"_

"_You wanna dance in the rain?" Lucy scratched at one of her chubby cheeks, scrunching up her nose._

_Meredith considered. She knew she should probably say no. She should probably say, "Lucy, that's ridiculous. We're going to have to wash all our clothes, and we'll be all soaking." But the logical part of her brain was not working in accordance with the motherly part of her brain. _

_Lucy shook the tiny Tupperware container, which held the damp five dollar bill Derek had put in before leaving for work, and the quarter that an old lady had thrown in, as she walked past with her dog. "Mommy?"_

"_You know what honey?"_

_Lucy pouted, as though she could guess what was coming. "What?"_

"_That sounds awesome."_

_A big grin spread over Lucy's face, bringing out her dimples. "Really!"_

"_Yeah. Why not!"_

_Meredith shimmied out of the blue plastic and folded down the umbrella. Her and Lucy both had matching rainboots, from last year at that American Girl store in New York City. Lucy and Meredith had gone down with Izzie, on a Special Girl's Weekend. Meredith had taken Lucy to the store and Meredith, who had never been one for dolls, had gone slightly overboard on the whole thing._

_Meredith held out her hand, which Lucy took, and the two of them ran onto the middle of the road. The rain pounded onto the concrete, making tiny little pitter pat noises. And the two of them danced. They danced around in circles, they waved their hands and stomped their feet. Both of them were laughing, hard and loud, making faces at each other and the sky, and the neighbours, who looked on from their window, in a concerned way, as though 'that Meredith Grey had __**finally **__lost it.'_

_They danced like that, until they were out of breath, and Derek pulled into the driveway. Most days he came home from work on his lunch break. Sometimes, (okay, most of the time) he brought Lucy Gummi Worms or Smarties, or a tiny stuffed animal he'd picked up. Sometimes, (okay, most of the time) he brought Meredith flowers, or chocolate. Today, he came home empty handed, but had a smile on his face._

"_My two favourite girls," he said, smiling broadly. "Finally gone crazy."_

"_DADDY!" Lucy cried. She ran into his open arms. He made a face at her squriming wet body, and carried her into the house, all the while proclaiming how he would throw her to live with the dogs, because she was so wet. _

"_**What **__are you two doing?"_

"_Well," Lucy said, "we were gonna have a lemonade stand. We did, only except nobody came 'cause it was rainin' so I said, Mommy, do you wanna dance in the rain, and she said yes. So we did."_

_Derek smiled. "You two are something."_

"_We gotta get you in the bath," Meredith said, picking Lucy up. "Before you get a cold."_

"_Mommy," Lucy sighed, "you don't get colds from bein' wet! Aunt Cristina told me that last week, and she's a doctor. So she knows."_

_Meredith smiled and kissed Lucy's round nose. She loved it that Lucy didn't see Meredith as a doctor. She saw Cristina as a doctor, but she saw Meredith as a Mommy, and Derek as a Daddy. Sometimes, for bedtime stories, or after long surgeries, Lucy would absent mindedly twirl a strand of Meredith's hair, or stroke Derek's stubbled chin, and ask them, in a vauge voice, about their day. "Did you have to pull anybody's arm off, Mommy?" or "Fix any brains today Daddy?" But her interest normally weaned after a few minutes, and then she moved on to stories of Barbies or princesses. _

_And in some odd way, it gave Meredith a heightened sense of normality. As a doctor, they were often thought of as gods. Because if you can't trust a doctor, if you can't look at a doctor and think they can fix all of life's problems, then who, exactly, can you trust? People got the wrong image, that doctors are untouchable. But when your four year old forgot that you were a doctor, and just acknowledged you as Mommy, you know everything is okay._

_And that you are still human._

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_Izzie and Alex were lying on the hammock on the deck. Izzie's head was tucked into the crook of Alex's arm. She was holding up a bridal magazine, not really looking at it. Alex's eyes were half closed, his chin resting on Izzie's head. He'd just scrubbed in on a coronary artery bypass grafting, and it felt good to lie out on the sun with his feyonce, and feel the sun on his feet. _

"_Hey," Izzie poked Alex. "You wanna do something?"_

"_Hm?" Alex groaned sleepily._

_Izzie propped herself up on her elbow. "Go for a walk, or something?"_

"_Iz," Alex laughed. His eyes were still closed. "I'm relaxing."_

"_Well, I'm bored," she bounced her knees on the fabric of the hammock. Alex opened one eye. _

"_You're high maintenance." he told her. _

_She stuck out her tongue. "I've been home all day. I'm sick of being by myself."_

"_You're not by yourself," he said pointedly. "I'm here."_

"_You're just lying there." she bounced around some more, wiggling her toes._

"_You're gonna tip me," he warned._

"_I know."_

"_Don't tip me."_

"_We'll see." She sat up, and then jumped off the hammock. She pushed it gently. "Just relax," she said, in her quietest voice. "I'll just push you."_

_He yawned. "Sure."_

_She pushed the edges of the hammock gently, until Alex's breathing was just getting to be deep and even. Then, carefully, she gripped onto the middle of the hammock, pulled it towards her, and then flipped it around. Alex's eyes flew open, and he sailed off, skidding onto the wooden deck._

"_Jesus Iz!" he yelled. _

_She laughed. "Sorry," she shrugged, innocently. "Wind." For a second, she was worried he was legitimately pissed, but then he stepped around the hammock, flexing his fingers._

"_You're gonna pay for that one," he assured her. "I'll tickle you until you wish you'd never been born."_

"_No!" she cried, not actually making a valiant effort to run from him. "Don't! I __**hate **__the Tickle Monster!"_

"_What the hell," Alex laughed, "is the Tickle Monster?"_

_Izzie's mouth dropped open. "You had a deprived childhood. Nobody ever tried to torture you with the Tickle Monster?" He was beside her now, his head tilted slightly to the right._

"_Yes," he said, smiling. "I was kidding. You're mine now." He wrapped his arms around her waist, tickling her until she couldn't breathe anymore._

"_Stop!" she pounded her tiny fists into his arms. "Stop!" she gasped._

"_Only," he tickled her under the chin, "only if you apologize for flipping me off."_

_She smiled, waving her finger in front of his face. "Flipping you off what?"_

"_The hammock!"_

"_Oh. Right. That," she said, faintly, as though it was a memory from a few years ago. "Sorry."_

"_I don't believe you. You're not convincing."_

_She wiggled out of his reach, and dropped to her knees. "Alex," she said, taking his hand, "I offer you my.. my most sincere apologies for flipping you off. The hammock. Will you __**ever **__forgive me?"_

_He shrugged, and then kissed her nose. "We'll see. You might have to make it up to me first," he said, helping her up. _

"_How?" she rolled her eyes. She knew what was coming. _

"_How much time do we have?" he asked._

_She checked her watch. "Long enough to do what it is you're after. My grandma told me," she said, leading him into the house, "that was the only thing boys were ever after."_

"_What?" he said. "Spending quality time with their feyonce?"_

_She slapped him. "Idiot."_

"_Love you too."_

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_Cristina made faces at herself in the mirror, tugging on her dress. "God," she said, "this is disgusting."_

"_I hear you!" Izzie trilled from the change room._

"_I don't care! Izzie, you can't make me wear this. I look like I am going to explode!"_

"_Cristina!" Izzie yelled. "Seriously! My wedding is in seven months! By that time, guess what! You're not going to be PREGNANT anymore! You'll fit into the dress."_

"_Maybe," Cristina said thoughtfully, "I'll just get postpartum depression and kill myself."_

_Meredith smiled. Her and Izzie had already picked Meredith's maid of honour dress earlier that morning, and Cristina and Lexie were now looking for bridesmaids dresses, while Izzie looked in desperation for her a wedding dress._

"_Izzie," Lexie said uncertainly, from inside her change room, "maybe.. Cristina's right? I mean, not like about the killing herself part. But.. who knows how much she's going to.." Lexie bit her lip. "Sorry," she said. "Nevermind."_

"_What, Lex?" Izzie asked, smiling. _

"_I mean. You know there are some people that bounce back like that," she said, snapping her fingers, "from pregnancy and from gaining weight and stuff.. but then some people just, don't. Like you see those celebrities that weigh a lot after they're pregnant, and some that look great. So. You just.. you might not know what she'll look like. If the dress will.. fit."_

_Cristina threw her shoe over the changeroom wall and into Lexie's. It hit her in the head._

"_Ow." Lexie said, throwing the shoe back. _

"_Hey. Come out," Izzie said. "I want you guys to all see this one together. It.. it might be the one."_

"_I'm half naked," Cristina muttered. "This dress won't zip up over my boobs."_

_Lexie threw her sweater over the wall, to Cristina. "There," she said. "Cover yourself up and for god's sakes, stop complaining."_

_The two of them stumbled out of the change rooms. Cristina sank down next to Meredith. "Ah," she said. "Cushy fabric."_

"_Now," Izzie instructed. "Close your eyes."_

_She stepped out. "Open."_

"_Iz," Meredith shook her head. "I.."_

"_You.." Lexie stuttered. "It's..."_

"_Is it.. it is bad?" Izzie asked._

"_No," Meredith stood up. "You.. it's beautiful."_

"_Really?" Izzie's face broke into a smile. _

"_Yes!" Meredith said. "My god." she hugged Izzie and then pulled away to examine her. _

_The dress was white as snow and strapless. It clung to Izzie in all the right places and flowed out at the bottom. The fabric was light and silk like, ruffled ever so slightly at the top._

"_I hate you," Cristina groaned. "You're too damn pretty to be alive."_

_Lexie stared on, in slight awe. "You're.. you're so pretty," she said, laughing a little at the end._

_Izzie smiled at Lexie. "How much?" she said, wincing. "Do I even want to know?"_

_Meredith dug for the price tag. "Yikes. It's one fifty."_

"_Hundred?" Izzie asked hopefully._

"_Thousand," Meredith sighed._

"_Shit," Izzie bit down hard on her lip. "Alex said our budge was five hundred. Absolute limit," she rolled her eyes. "I guess.. I guess not, then?"_

_Meredith got her purse. _

"_No," she said. "Mere, it's okay. I'll put it back."_

"_Izzie. This dress is calling your name. You've gotta get it. I'll pay two fity."_

_Izzie shook her head. "No. Really. It's-"_

"_Iz. I don't wanna hear it. Lexie?"_

"_Meredith! Lexie.. don't listen to her, you seriously don't have to-"_

_Lexie opened her wallet and took out her Visa. "Two fifty?" she asked. "I've got that." _

_Cristina threw a fifty at Izzie's general direction. "I'm living for two," she said. _

"_You guys," Izzie rubbed the bridge of her nose. "It's.. I can't. Meredith.. I.. it's.."_

"_Iz. You've got to. You're on the the budget, or whatever."_

"_I'll pay you back," she promised, rubbing under her eyes to scare away hte tears. "I swear. Every single dollar."_

"_It's your wedding present," Cristina said._

"_Cristina!" Meredith laughed. "Fifty dollars is your wedding present to Izzie?"_

"_Living for two," she sang._

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Izzie thinks now, of the wedding dress, and how now, that one thousand and fifty dollar dress is somewhere in Paris, because that's who bought it off of eBay. She can remember putting it up for sale, After Alex. She remembers Meredith sitting next to her, holding her hand when the newly engaged twenty four year old named Gabrielle bought it.

_Merci beaucoup! J'adore cette robe!_

_Gabrielle_

That was what the email had said. Izzie had not the heart to tell Gabrielle (who was getting married to Fabien) that the dress was cursed. It gave happy memories, but not enough. Not the lifetime they had been promised in that church, not the lifetime the movies and TV shows had promised them. Not the lifetime she had promised herself. She did not have the heart to tell Gabrielle that the last woman to wear that dress is now a widow, and is now alone, with her autistic son.

Izzie thinks maybe it's too hard. Maybe she should just stop right now, remember the hammock, the cool of the air conditioner in the dress shop, the feeling of it in the bag as she brought it home, the look on Alex's face when she told him the price, then the sigh of relief that came when she told him that Meredith, Lexie and Cristina had covered half.

She wants to remember the good things. They are easy to remember. They are lighthearted and fun, if not a little bittersweet. There were more good than bad, yet the bad takes ten times more of her strength than remembering the good things. These memories do not make Izzie want to cry and break things and run away.

But when her and Alex were married, they made that vow. 'In hardship and in ease, in joy and sorrow, so long as you both shall live.' And so, for Alex, she will go on. She will remembered the sorrow and the hardships.

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_Alex was taking a shower upstairs, and she was calling to invite her mother to their wedding. It was, after all, in six and a half months. Izzie kept trying to put it off, she kept buying groceries instead of picking up the phone, or painting her nails instead of dialing the number. But that morning, over waffles and eggs, Alex had told her. He said, "Izzie, you've gotta call your mom."_

_And so now, she was. She stood up, because she was a little too nervous to sit down. She held the phone, switching it back and forth between her hands, before finally, shakily dialing her mom's number. A part of her hoped that her mom had moved and the number no longer worked, or maybe they had turned off her phone (which happened a lot while Izzie lived there.) But after only three rings, Ronnie picked up._

"_Hello?"_

_Izzie licked her lips. "Hi."_

"_Sorry. Who is this?"_

"_It's me. I mean. It's Izzie. Cricket," she clarified, grasping now for words, any words, it didn't much matter what they were. "Your daughter!" she finally settled on._

_Ronnie was silent for a minute. "Isobel?" Ronnie was the only one that usually called her Isobel, instead of Izzie. _

"_Yeah," Izzie nodded._

"_Holy shit."_

_Izzie smiled. Her mom was never one for tactfulness._

"_Are you serious? Cricket, sweetheart, that's really you?"_

"_Yeah," Izzie said, softly. "It's really me."_

"_I.. I never thought I'd hear from you again."_

_Izzie breathed a shaky sigh of relief. "Me too. I mean. I never thought I'd call you.. I'm sorry. For.. everything. For not keeping in touch and for.. for leaving the way I did."_

"_**I'm **__sorry! I've nearly gone crazy, I.. I can't even.. I don't believe it! This is really you, huh?"_

"_Yes," Izzie sat down now. "Mom?"_

"_Yeah honey?"_

"_Will you come to my wedding?"_

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_After she hung up, nearly an hour later, Alex came downstairs. His hair was wet and his chin was soft from shaving, just the way she liked it. He sat down next to her and she climbed into his lap. Thoughtfully, he stroked her hair._

"_Did you call her?"_

_Izzie nodded. _

"_Was it hard?"_

_Izzie shivered. He rubbed her shoulders. "Easier than I thought. But it made me realize how.. how stupid I was. Seventeen years, Alex. I haven't talked to her for seventeen years."_

"_She could have called you," he said gently. "It wasn't all your fault."_

"_She didn't know my number," Izzie buried her head in his chest. "She didn't know my godamn number, Alex. I could have called her. I had.. I had seventeen years to pick up the phone, or to.. to write a letter."_

_He did not try and argue with her. He didn't try and tell her that it was okay that she didn't call, that things will be okay between Ronnie and Izzie right away. But he did say, "Iz. You love.. everybody. Your world, it's like.. this neverending sea of good people. You always see the good in everyone, you're a nice person. And there must have been something in your mom.. she must have hurt you in a way that made you not want to call her. Maybe part of it was your fault. You could have called her, sure. That's true. But I know you. And so there must have been something keeping you from calling her."_

_Izzie did not know if this was a rhetorical statement. She didn't really care. The best way for Izzie to set her feelings straight, was to talk them out. Sometimes, when she was younger, this meant sitting cross legged on her bed in the trailer, and going on for hours to her stuffed animals. When she was a little older, she used to babble away to her mother, while she slept through an alcohol induced coma. But now Alex was the one she could talk to. He was the one that listened no matter what crazy words were coming out of her mouth. He was there._

"_She.. she was a good mom," Izzie said uncertainly. "I mean. She loved me."_

"_Sometimes," Alex said, tracing letters on Izzie's back, "you can love someone, but that doesn't mean they're good to you. You know?"_

_Izzie nodded. "That's it. That's the way it was with us. Maybe.. we loved too much? Or not enough? I don't know. But I was a little kid and she treated me like I was an adult. She left me alone a lot, at nights, during the summer, on weekends. Once, when I was six, Children's Aid almost took me away because she stayed out for two days straight. She brought boyfriends over that.. they hit me, sometimes, when they got tired of hitting her. They tried stuff on me. That didn't last for long though. The kissing, or whatever else they tried to do to me. I was young, but I wasn't stupid._

"_I hated it. Living there. There were some good people that just got put into bad situations. But there was a lot of bad people that were just plain bad. And so when I got out of there.. to go to college, I promised myself that I wouldn't forget, but that I would never let myself live like that. It was just.. hard."_

_Alex, gently and slowly, rocked Izzie back and forth. He studied her, carefully. "That's tough."_

"_Sorry," she said. "For my big sob story. I just.. I think maybe I wanted to make sure I didn't get hurt again, and so I stayed away from her. Anything to do with her I.. avoided, I guess."_

"_I understand that," Alex nodded. "I still won't even look at anyone named Patrick. My dad," he said. _

_Izzie nodded. She had heard a lot about Patrick. "Maybe," Alex said stoically, "we just don't want to go back to people that hurt us. We just want to pretend like that part of our life didn't exist."_

"_Jesus," Izzie said, kissing him, "when did you get so smart?"_


	4. Chapter 4

_Izzie and Alex were babysitting for Lucy. Meredith and Derek were at the hospital, and Izzie and Alex had the day off, so they (okay, so Izzie) had agreed to look after Lucy for the day._

"_It's not that I don't love her," Alex said, from the kitchen, where he was making Eggo Waffles for Lucy, "it's just that.. I thougth this could be a day for us."_

"_You can use some practice," Izzie told him._

"_Practice for what, making waffles?"_

"_No," Izzie sighed. "Practice for looking after kids."'_

"_I am great with kids. Lucy loves me. Right Luce?!" Alex called._

_Lucy was sitting on the couch, her eyes glued to the TV screen. She nodded. "Right Uncle Alex."_

"_You hear a word he said?" Izzie asked, sitting next to Lucy._

"_Nah," she shook her head, and put a hand to Izzie's ear. "But he told me that if I said yes to everythin' he said, at the end of the day he would give ma a dollar" Lucy looked amazed. "That is a lotta money, you know."_

"_You bribed her?" Izzie called._

"_Do I getta be your flower girl?" Lucy asked, taking her attention away from the TV and turning it to Izzie._

"_Flower girl?" Izzie faked curiosity. _

"_Liike." Lucy sighed dramatically. "The girl that throws rose petals everywhere. I walk down the church."_

"_Oh! Like the __**flower girl**__!" _

"_Yeeees Aunt Izzie. Am I gonna do that for you?"_

"_Didn't your mom already tell you?"_

"_Tell me what?" _

"_Well, I actually asked your Uncle Mark to be my flower girl." Izzie laughed, and gently elbowed Lucy. "Of course you're my flower girl. Who else would it be? You're my favourite niece!"_

"_I'm your only niece," Lucy smiled and rested her head on Izzie's shoulders. "Uncle Alex!" Lucy screamed. "Where are my waffles!" she giggled. "I'm bugging him," she confided to Izzie. "But that's okay. 'Cause we bug each other."_

"_They're coming, squirt!"_

"_You have a fat head!" Lucy happily yelled back._

"_You smell like rotten eggs!"_

"_I'm gonna get him good," Lucy whispered. She screwed up her face and within seconds was sobbing. "A-A-Auntie Izzie," she wailed, "U-Uncle Alex s-s-said I s-smell like eggs."_

_Izzie laughed, and winked at Lucy. "Alex! God! What is wrong with you? She's a little girl!" Izzie could hear something clatter in the kitchen, before Alex came into the living room._

"_Lucy! You know I was just kidding."_

_Lucy shook her head, tears glistening in her tiny blue eyes. "Nuh-uh. You're mean."_

_Alex bent down, knee level with Lucy. "Luce, sweetie. I was kidding! We always kid with each other, right?"_

_Lucy shrugged. "But you're never __**mean **__to me."_

"_I'm sorry Luce. Listen, how about I put ice cream on your waffles and we go play soccer after? Will you be okay?"_

"_Alright," Lucy sniffed, and shook Alex's outsretched hand._

"_You still love me?"_

_Lucy smiled toothily. "I guess so."_

_Alex bopped her shoulder, and kissed her head of black hair. "Okay. Good."_

_Once Alex was gone, Lucy turned to Izzie and said excitedly, "So, am I good or what?"_

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_When Meredith came to pick Lucy up, Lucy and Alex were lying on the couch, watching The Little Mermaid. Lucy's tiny head was tucked under Alex's chin, her eyes closed. Alex stared in dread, at the screen, while the little red crab escaped from some fat French chef. _

"_Hey Mer," Izzie smiled. "She's sleeping. God, you're.. you're so lucky. She's amazing."_

"_Someday, Iz," Meredith said laughing. She knew how long Izzie had wanted kids, the way she had their names picked out, their hair colour and the way they'd got all of Alex's sweetness but none of his asshole characteristics, all of Izzie's beauty and her caring, but none of her sharpness and self centred-ness. _

"_I know," Izzie rolled her eyes. "She's asleep. Sorry," she shrugged. _

"_No," Meredith said. "It's good. I'm glad, we'll just be able to throw her in bed."_

"_Busy day at the hospital?"_

"_Understatement of the century. Some asshole thought it would be a great idea to steal his neighbor's car, while the neighbor was in it, and then drive around blindfolded. Three little kids killed, one four year old paralyzed." Meredith shook her head. "I hate when that happens."_

"_Wow. Tough day. Sorry."_

_Meredith waved it off. "I'm just glad Lucy's here, safe."_

"_Always."_

_Meredith smiled at Lucy on Alex's chest. "God Alex," Meredith said, scooping her up, "you're so good with her."_

"_We get along okay, right Luce?"_

_Lucy waved sleepily, nuzzling her head into Meredith's shoulders. "Hi Mommy."_

"_Hey sweet pea."_

"_Bye guys. Love you Uncle Alex, even if you said I stunk."_

_Izzie walked them to the door, kissing Lucy's cheek. "Bye sweetie."_

"_Bye Aunt Izzie. I'm gonna practice my walk for you, okay? My flower girl walk."_

"_Okay," Izzie laughed gently. "You'll be the best flower girl in the world."_

"_Better than Junie B. Jones?"_

"_Hm. Sure." _

_Once they had gone, Izzie sunk down onto the couch beside Alex. "Hey, Alex?"_

"_Yeah, babe?"_

"_Why are you still watching the Little Mermaid?"_

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_**Iz,**_

_**Apparantly it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. That doesn't mean I can't leave her notes on the fridge, right? I love you so much. You're going to make me the luckiest man alive. **_

_**See you soon,**_

_**Alex**_

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"_Oh, Izzie," Meredith sighed. "You're beautiful."_

"_Yeah," Lucy echoed Meredith, "Real pretty, Aunt Izzie."_

_Cristina nodded. "Alex will kill himself." _

"_Thanks guys," Izzie smiled. "I.. I'm so happy."_

"_Then why are you crying?" Lucy asked._

_Izzie laughed. "Oh, sweetie. It's hard to explain."_

"_Did you cry when you and Daddy got married?" _

_Meredith nodded. "Yeah."_

"_Yikes," Lucy made a face. "Happy tears, like Aunt Izzie?"_

"_Oh yes," Meredith had a far away look in her eyes, "very, very happy tears." _

"_Mommy," Lucy turned nervously to Meredith, "what if I drop my flowers everywhere? And then nobody will like my anymore, 'cause I ruined the wedding."_

_Before Meredith could say anything, Izzie knelt down (carefully though, so as to not ruin her dress) by Lucy. "Luce, honey?"_

"_Hm?"_

"_I don't care if you drop the flowers, or if you trip, or if you eat the flowers," Lucy giggled at this, "I mean it. All I care about is marrying Uncle Alex, and having everyone I love with me to celebrate. Okay?"_

_Lucy nodded. "You're really cool, Aunt Izzie," she said. _

_Izzie hugged Lucy. "You're not so bad yourself."_

"_We're ready now," Cristina stood up from the church pew. _

"_Okay," Izzie shook her head. "Okay. God," she laughed, "I'm nervous."_

"_You'll be fine, Iz."_

"_I know," Izzie sighed. "Oh, I know."_

_The doors opened, and Lucy stepped out first, to a chorus of quiet "aw's," and teetered, a little uncertainly, down the aisle. She smiled and tossed the flower petals and didn't fall over once. Cristina next, and then Meredith. _

_George was there as well, holding onto Izzie's arm. He kissed her cheek. "You deserve this, Iz," he murmured into her ear, as they started down the aisle._

_Izzie looked up at Alex, standing there beside the priest, in his tux. She read, somewhere, that you could always tell the outcome of a marriage based on the way the groom looked when he first saw the bride. Sometimes, they said, the groom looked uncomfortable, sometimes he looked really nervous or bored. And then there was the other category; the guys that looked like they were going to die from happiness, that looked as though they'd never seen a person quite so beautiful before. _

_The guys like Alex._

_Izzie had been writing (and rewriting, and okay, so, re-rewriting) her vows, and she had finally got them right. She thought she had anyway, but walking up the aisle with George, she was certain her mouth would open and out would tumble last week's grocery list, rather than today's feelings. She'd be the actress at the Oscars that flips over her que cards for the acceptance speech and flows right into reading the entire world the recipe for the cupcakes that her daughter loves. _

_But then everything turned out okay, the way she knew it would. What she said wasn't grocery lists or recipes, what she said was exactly what she had planned to say, and then a little more._

"_Alex," her voice started off quiet, and then became louder. She had worked hard on this vow, and even though the only person that __**needed **__to hear them was standing across from her, she wanted the rest of the church to hear them as well. "I grew up in a trailer park. People used to tell me that I'd be lucky to make it out of highschool. Then they told me I'd be lucky to graduate college, then med school. My neighbour used to tell me that I should set my sights on becoming something like a kindergarten teacher, or the manager of a grocery store. She told me that I wasn't lucky enough to become a doctor, that none of us were._

"_But nobody ever told me I'd be lucky to find a husband, someone that I loved more than anyone in the world. Somebody that I would stay up all night with, watching old horror movies, someone I would slow dance in the rain with, someone that I would listen to American Pie thirty four times on repeat with, singing along every time. Someone that would get up at three thirty after being on call for two days, and make me pancakes and lemonade, because I was hungry. Someone like Alex Karev._

"_And so, I never really thought about it, never thought about the luck part of it. I didn't realize, until I already had him, how ridiculously lucky I am to become the wife of a guy like Alex," she swallowed. "All I know is that, through everything, I have loved you. When we weren't together, when I thought I hated you, when I was sick, I loved you. I love you now, and if I'm lucky, I'm going to get to love you for the rest of my life._

"_And so that is what I promise you, I promise love, because I think love is the best kind of magic in the world. And so that is all I ask back of you, is that you love me as well, and that we take care of each other. That we never run away, and that if we do, we __**always **__come back."_

_Alex went next. He had to be careful, because he didn't want his voice to go all crackly from crying in the middle of his speech. "For a long time, I've thought I was the tough guy. The guy that couldn't be touched by anybody, or anything. Couldn't feel much of anything. I thought I was the guy that was a damn good doctor, and a good son, and that was where it ended. I never thought I would make a good husband, never thought that I'd meet a person that could break me out of the shell I was._

"_Iz, you.. you changed that. All of that. Before you, I never would have __**wanted **__to write notes to another person on the fridge, while I was at work. Never wanted to sit through all those movies that all women just seem to love, for no reason. I didn't.. I wasn't the kind of person to cry or.. I just, I didn't show feelings. And," he smiled, gently, "I love you because of that. And in spite of it._

"_You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I want you to know that. When I go to bed, I honest to god, I think about how lucky I am to be with you. And when I'm done a surgery, and it's gone really badly, and I have to go out and tell a couple that their daughter, or their husband, or their father, has just died, the only thing that keeps me going is the thought that I get to go home and I get to be with you._

"_I love you, Isobel Stevens, and I'm never going to stop realizing how amazing you are. I'm never going to stop holding on tight, making sure I don't screw it up again and accidentally let you go."_

_Izzie smiled through her tears, a big, stupid smile. She couldn't think of the last time she'd been so happy. _

_A few minute later, they were man and wife, and then two hours later, he held her close to him as they danced. It was a song he hadn't heard of before, but a song that she loved and that, even though it was cheesy as hell, was the kind of song he'd want to dance to at his wedding._

_**This is the first day of my life  
I swear I was born right in the doorway  
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed  
They're spreading blankets on the beach**_

Yours is the first face that I saw  
I think I was blind before I met you  
Now I don't know where I am  
I don't know where I've been  
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I'd let you know  
That these things take forever  
I especially am slow  
But I realize that I need you  
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night  
Just to meet me in the morning  
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed  
You felt as if you'd just woke up  
And you said "this is the first day of my life  
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you  
But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you  
And I'd probably be happy"

So if you want to be with me  
With these things there's no telling  
We just have to wait and see  
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck  
Than waiting to win the lottery  
Besides maybe this time is different  
I mean I really think you like me


End file.
